


Mutare(Change)

by silvia3016



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anxiety, Bottom Magnus Bane, Drug Use, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mental Instability, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alec Lightwood, Rape, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Denial, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Vulnerable Magnus Bane, implied valentine morgernstern
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 13:49:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17122550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvia3016/pseuds/silvia3016
Summary: Magnus Bane who is frankly the high warlock of Brooklyn has been kidnapped. His lover, Alec Lightwood tries to find him.However he does not succeed and a year later after a lot of things have changed in the downworld and the shadowhunter world,Alec has almost given up all hope of finding his lover.Then on the exact day Magnus went missing, when Alec is in Magnus's loft looking for a vital clue to his lover's whereabouts, Magnus appears out of nowhere.(I'm not good at summariesㅠ/My updates will be scarce but I hope to finish this fanfic at the least)





	1. Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy~:)  
> (From now on my updates will be a bit more scarce cause I'll be going on vacation~  
> Plus my rating has changed:))

It was a sunny morning in Magnus's loft and everything was just fine and peachy.

 

Magnus woke up and looked next to him.

 

"Good morning Alexander~"

 

Alec replied with a cheeky grin. "Hey, Magnus."

 

The both of them eagerly leaned in for a kiss. After the kiss, Alec looked thoughtful for a moment before he gazed into Magnus's eyes and spoke in a reluctant tone.

 

"Ummm...hey Magnus? I gotta leave early today. I got patrol duties. I'm really sorry."

 

Hearing Alec's words Magnus gingerly grinned and replied.

 

"Oh, it's fine Alec. I understand you've been neglecting your duties these days as a shadowhunter. Go on and kill some demons for me."

 

With Magnus' consent, Alec put on his leather jacket, kissed Magnus lightly again on the lips and left after saying goodbye and making a promise to be back at night.

 

After Alec left in a hurry, Magnus just stood dazed for a moment. Thinking again of how lucky he was to be with someone like Alec.

 

Then suddenly he snapped out of his trance as he sensed an unwelcome prescence in his loft.

 

Magnus' hand started to flicker with his magic, starting to send off blue sparks. Tense and wthout looking back, Magnus warned the intruder.

 

"Who are you? You must know I'm the high warlock of Brooklyn and I don't really care much for trespassers."

 

When the prescence could still be felt and even more closer to him, Magnus whipped around only to be gagged.

 

And slowly Magnus lost consciousness until he blacked out.

 

* * *

 

Alec had had an uncertain feeling of some threat nearby since morning. So he had been particularly more reluctant to leave Magnus. 

 

But he had duties to fulfill. Even so, he wished Magnus would be specially aware today. A shadowhunter's instincts were not to be looked upon lightly.

 

Alec knew better than anyone else that Magnus was quite capable of taking care of himself. But these days, they had both been a little loose on gaurd.

 

Still...he felt good for having kissed Magnus twice in the morning. Magnus' startled look had been worth seeing.

 

While Alec daydreamed about  whether Magnus looked better in black or blue, he was interrupted by the phone.

 

It was Izzy. Having been caught up so much in his thoughts, he had already missed 7 calls fom her.

 

Wondering why Izzy was so desperately trying to reach him, Alec picked up the phone.

 

"Hel-?"

 

_"Alec! Thank god!!!"_

 

Startled by Izzy's sudden outburst, Alec held the phone a bit far from his ears.

 

"Uh...okay...so why'd you-"

 

_"Magnus has gone missing! We need you to come back to the institute right away!"_

As soon as Izzy broke the news, Alec could feel his blood turn cold.

 

Without a second to waste, Alec started running towards the institute and started praying for Magnus to be safe and alright.

 

_But somehow....Alec sensed that his prayers wouldn't be heard._

 

 

 


	2. I need u.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-  
> Magnus was kidnapped in his loft while Alec wss out patrolling.
> 
> -This chapter-  
> Alec's long search for Magnus starts and Magnus finds himself in hell and wishing for Alec more than anything.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to sad music while reading this will help you melt into a more emotional puddle.I recommend it;)☆  
> (And in case some of you might be confused while reading, Magnus' is the same as Magnus's.  
> Like when you say something is someone's you say "That's (name)'s thing. " Magnus' name ends with a 's' so I spell it like that;))

-Alec-

 

Alec practically burst into the institute huffing like crazy and with a mad glint in his eyes. As soon as Alec found Izzy he walked so fast to her that he almost knocked her down.

 

"Izzy!"

 

With some shimmer of hope that all this was just some silly prank, Alec grasped Izzy's arms and looked her directly in the eyes.

 

"What happened? What do you mean Magnus is missing!"

 

Now everyone around them were looking at Alec like he was some crazy demon.

 

But Alec paid no heed.

 

"....."

 

When Izzy refused to reply and diverted his desperate puppy eyes, Alec shook Izzy a bit more harder this time.

 

"Izzy, tell me. What is going on! What do you mean Magnus is missing! I-is this some kind of prank?!"

 

Although Alec was desperate, he wasn't stupid. The devastated face Izzy made was enough proof that this situation was no joke.

 

Alec let go of Izzy and slowly stumbled backwards until he felt Jace's firm hands holding him steady.

 

"Hey, bro. You okay?"

 

Jace looked at Alec with worried eyes. He knew how much Magnus meant to his parabatai.

 

The couple had already been through so much and they had finally settled down and even had their first liplock and sex just about a month ago.

 

After some depressing silence, Alec finally opened his mouth again.

 

"....what happened? How did you know...Is he...?"

 

Jace answered Alec's questions instead of Izzy.

 

"Well..uh...Izzy was on patrol near Magnus's loft, so she decided to pay a little visit to your boyfriend's house."

 

At that Alec just looked dazedly at the floor and Jace continued.

 

"When she arived at Magnus' loft there were signs of a recent portal. At first she thought nothing of it until she saw a huge breach in Magnus' protective wards set around his house."

 

Alec interrupted Jace for a moment.

 

"When! I-I mean....when did...Izzy..you know.."

 

"I went to Magnus' loft at about 10 in the morning."

 

Izzy replied softly. And after taking a breath she continued the story.

 

"After I saw the breach, I knew that this wasn't just some remodeling. The breach was huge and it looked like it hadn't been opened willingly. Also there was some other energy flowing around the room which wasn't Magnus'."

 

His voice cracking, Alec spoke up again.

 

"Were...were there any signs of...blood...?"

 

Izzy looking relieved to be finally giving some good news at last, replied.

 

"No. There weren't any signs of blood."

 

Although this news was supposed to be reassuring, Alec only felt more worried. His eyes were dead thinking of what his boyfriend must be facing right now. No sign of blood might be a good thing...or it could mean that something else was at hand. 

 

After wallowing some moments in his grief, Alec straightened up and looked at Izzy and Jace.

 

This time he had a determined glint in his eyes.

 

"If Magnus has really been kidnapped....I'm  going to save him." and Alec meant it.

 

_Alec was going to find Magnus and make the kidnappers pay for this moment of anguish._

**_No matter what_** **_it would take._**

 

* * *

 

-Magnus-

 

As Magnus opened his eyes he realized he was frankly blindfolded and gagged. Still feeling dazed from the chlorofoam, Magnus started to move around in panic.

 

He seemed to be lying on a cold metal floor. He had been stripped of his upperwear and he could sense the cold in his legs. His hands were tied behind his back and his magic seemed unreachable. Which seemed very strange.

 

Although his magic had certainly been supressed a few times in clave meetings or interrogations, he had never felt like his magic had been seperated from him.

 

But right now, that was exactly what Magnus felt...and he didn't like the feeling at all.

 

As Magnus struggled to loosen the tight ropes around his wrists he could sense someone beside him.

 

Not some _one_ , but _some_ people.

 

Feeling uncertainty slowly creep into his mind, Magnus stopped struggling. The rope was bound too tightly anyways.

 

When Magnus stopped struggling, one man on the right side of him started talking in a deep baritone voice.

 

"So~the high warlock of Brooklyn has finally woken up. I was starting to think you were dead."

 

After a small pause the man added another phrase to end his sentence.

 

"Magnus."

 

Although Magnus was blindfolded and couldn't see anything, he would bet his 17,000 lovers that the man had definitely smirked after saying his name.

 

When Magnus didn't make a sound, another man, this time from the left, spoke up.

 

This time the voice was lighter and huskier.

 

"So, what are we gonna do with him now, Edren."

 

Magnus' ears perked up on hearing a name. However no matter how much he racked his brain he couldn't think of an any  _'Edren'._

 

Magnus was still trying to figure out the whole situation when his breath got knocked out of him.

 

_"Eummpgh!"_

 

Taken by surprise, Magnus let out a painful moan. As Magnus tried to curl himself into a ball he could hear the men around him snickering at him. Who was-not to mention- the high warlock of Brooklyn.

 

When Magnus tried to curl himself into a ball, something caught on his neck. It took a few seconds for Magnus to realize that it was actually a collar. Magnus couldn't belive it. What kind of a sick mind would put a dog collar around him.

 

Fortunately the collar didn't choke him much. But assuming by the leverage and the clinking sound it made, it  seemed to be attatched to a chain somewhere.

 

Another blow hit Magnus in the stomach, then his ribs and soon, Magnus was being pummeled and kicked in several places.

 

Although the beating had actually been for a few minutes it felt like eons for Magnus. After those few painful minutes, Magnus lay panting on the floor from the overwhelming pain. His lips had burst open. There were blue and black bruises forming all over his body now.

 

Magnus still didn't understand why all this was happening to him. He tried to overcome the pain but he only succeeded in seeing more black spots appear before him. Luckily the blindfold had slid off a little and he could see a little. The men around him were looking down at him.

 

Edren stooped down and poked one of the worse bruises that was appearing on Magnus' chest.

 

Magnus grunted in pain.  

 

"Eeurmph..."

 

Seeing that the blindfold had slid off already, Edren roughly took it off.

 

Because of the shock and pain he was in, Magnus' eyes had turned into his gold-green cat eyes. And as light suddenly flooded in, Magnus'  cat pupils shrank. After adjusting to the light, Magnus could finally fully make out  the man' face.

 

The man was definitely a warlock. However this warlock let off an entirely new kind of aura that Magnus had never encountered before.

 

And Magnus had lived _several_ decades. There was something definitely off with this warlock. 

 

Magnus lifted his head to get a better look at the warlock. However he soon felt a sudden pressure on his neck and was forced to lower his head.

 

One of the warlocks standing  around him had stepped on his collar chain.Thus the extra pressure.

 

Despite the extra pressure, Magnus' head was lifted by the hair by Edren and Magnus was forced to look into the strange warlock's eyes. 

 

Biting hard on his gag because of the pain, Magnus glared at Edren with all his might.

 

For a moment, tension flowed in the room as Magnus and Edren continued to confront each other with their stares.

 

However  Edren was the first to open his mouth first and smile widely.

 

"So Magnus, are you feeling okay? I'd think those beatings would have made you a bit more obedient. But I must have been wrong. Hmm?"

 

On the last sentence Magnus felt the grip on his hair grow stronger. Magnus snarled and fought a yelp coming up to his throat.

 

However he was startled when Edren suddenky leaned his face up to him. Edren looked at Magnus with an expression that seemed to be awe.

 

"God..you really are a beauty. Aren't you?" remarked Edren.

 

Then the strange warlock smirked which made Magnus feel uneasy. But he refused to show it.

 

Edren noticed the defiance in Magnus and he wanted to be the one to break it.

 

"So, I guess we are gonna have to tame you. Right, Magnus?"

 

Again no reply.

 

Edren smiled widely again in a sadistical manner. Then he lowered his tone and whispered into Magnus' ear.

 

"Don't worry. This is only the start. I'm sure we'll have much more fun together. And after that, you'll be begging for me to have you, instead of that shadowhunter.......you know~Alec Lightwood."

 

After having that said, Edren let go of the painful grip he'd had on Magnus' hair whereas Magnus let out a small gasp.

 

With an eyesight fuzzy with black spots because of the pain and emotional drain, the last thing Magnus saw before he blacked out was Edren's smirk.

 

And the last thing that came to his mind was Alec. 

 

_Alec nipping his ears playfully and whispering nonsense into them..._

_Alec wrapping his arms around him delicately in that graceful way of his...._

_Alec's soft pecks and occasional liplocks with him like today morning...._

 

 

_**'I need you Alec...'** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edren is my OC so don't try catching his name in the shadowhunters TV series;) heh~  
> And thank you to everyone who left a bookmark or kudos.♡  
> I really love our Magnus Bane~ㅠ  
> There's not much progress in the story or much violence. But the next chapter will be different....I think...(about 80% sure...;))  
> so....yeah....sorryㅠ  
> P.S. Merry Christmas~


	3. Memoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-  
> Alec discovers that Magnus has really disappeared. He sets out to find him.  
> Magnus is tied and blindfolded and gets pummeled mercilessly by a psychopathic warlock named 'Edren'. And he starts to wish Alec were here more than anything.
> 
> -This chapter-  
> Alec asks of Magnus to every downworlder he knows. However he is unable to find any clues or signs of Magnus. He starts to blame himself and has flashbacks of his time with Magnus.  
> Magnus gets tortured a lot. Both physically and mentally. Plus he learns of what is in store for him. So he desperately struggles to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (There's a lot of anguish and self-destruction. Plus a lot of sappy but totally romantic and gushy memories.♡)  
> I'm sorry if the story's progress seems so slowㅠ

-Magnus-

 

"Aaaaugh!!!"

 

As Magnus's skin was burnt again by a metal rod, Magnus let out a painful roar. Magnus had woken up to find out that he was now tied to a chair.

 

And Edren had been torturing him nonstop since he had woken up. 

 

Magnus's upper body was already black and red because of the bruises from the beatings yesterday. And the recent burn marks from today.

 

Holding up the metal rod, Edren spoke up. 

 

"So, Magnus. Are you painful enough yet?"

 

Magnus only drooped his head in response.

 

Edren looked sympathetically at Magnus for a while before he poked at one of Magnus' burn marks.

 

"Eughh...!"

 

Magnus hissed out in pain and gripped his knuckles so hard that his veins stood out.

 

"Euhh...huh...euhhh"

 

Magnus' eyes practically rolled over as he panted desperately to get rid of the excruciating pain. 

 

Edren looked at Magnus' desperate attempts with a sadistical grin.

 

As Magnus started to loose consciousness, Edren snapped his fingers.

 

One of his fellow companions came with a bucket of cold water. When Edren signalled again, the ice cold water hit Magnus' naked body.

 

When the water hit him with such force, Magnus' eyes shot up and his pupils shrank again from the cold.

 

Magnus started to shiver uncontrallably. He had never been a fan of the cold...or water.

 

As Magnus awoke, Edren stooped over and pulled off Magnus' gag which was now all soggy and tainted with blood because Magnus had bit his mouth hard, several times.

 

When the gag was off, Edren waited for Magnus to speak up.

 

Still shivering uncontrollably and trying to catch his breath, Magnus finally spoke up.

 

"W-why a-are you.....d-doing...this...."

 

"What? Torturing you?" 

 

Replied Edren in a nonchalant way.

 

"Oh, Magnus, Magnus, Magnus. I know you are confused and scared. But..."

 

And without warning, Edren suddenly grabbed Magnus' neck and whispered into his ear.

 

_"if you already break down here, I'll be too sad."_

 

 After saying thisEdren once again put the burning metal rod on one of Magnus's bruises.

 

When Magnus couldn't endure it anymore, he once again cried out in pain.

 

"Aaaughhhh!"

 

He rather wished the gag was still in his mouth. Then he wouldn't have to try twice as hard to muffle his cries.

 

As the sickening smell of burning skin filled the air, Edren enjoyed the moment. 

 

After Magnus had shed some more tears, Edren finally took the metal rod out of Magnus' skin.

 

The burn mark was red with blood and much more deep and burnt then any other burn mark so far.

 

This mark wasn't going to disappear easily.

 

Edren put the metal rod back to the fire place and sat lightly on Magnus' lap.

 

Magnus' head was lolling back in pain. So Edren gripped Magnus' chin in tightly and made sure that Magnus could see the terrible wounds that were all over his body now.

 

There wasn't a trace of the once clean, smooth, peach-colored skin, Magnus used to have. 

 

As Magnus took in his scars, Edren snickered.

 

 "So Magnus. Do you still think that shadowhunter boy will love you? Even when you are scarred like this for the rest of your life. Do you think he'll treat you the same?"

 

When Magnus heard this, he knew Edren was only trying to get into his head. But he couldn't deny that he had thought the same things himself.

 

When Edren saw Magnus wavering, he turned Magnus' head to his( Magnus' ) pants.

 

With a mad glint in his eyes, Edren talked to Magnus while licking his lips.

 

"And think of the fun we'll have down there."

 

As Edren's word's meaning started to dawn on him Magnus met Edren's eyes with fear and disbelief in his eyes.

 

Edren looked at Magnus like a cat would with his prey.

 

When Magnus started to shake slightly, Edren talked in an slightly excited voice.

 

"Of course, we are going to have to heal you a bit first. Since I don't want to toy with a guy as messed up as you are now. But don't worry. You won't have to wait long."

 

With that said, Edren stood up and walked out of the room. Soon two other warlocks came into the room and untied Magnus.

 

Magnus who was still in shock until then, started to stuggle ferociously. He knew he needed to get out of here soon, or else he would never be the same again.

 

* * *

 

-Alec-

 

Alec had been to every downworlder he knew of. He had asked Catarina, Raphael, Meliorn, Lucian and so much more.

 

But he hadn't been able to find even one sinple clue or trace of Magnus.

 

According to Catarina there hadn't been any big outbursts among warlocks. And the warlocks who were on bad terms with Magnus all had alibais to prove that they weren't the warlocks at fault.

 

Alec was pretty much desperate. He was sure he had pretty much talked to every downworlder living here in Brooklyn.

 

The search was coming to a dead end even before it started.

 

The Clave had now heard of what was going on and they had left him alone until now, since Magnus was an important source to them as well. At least among the downworlders.

 

But Alec knw they wouldn't be quiet for long. Alec was the head of the New York institute. And so far since Magnus had disappeared, he'd been vacant for at least 10hours already. 

 

Not to mention that Jace and Izzy, some of their best shadowhunters were out to find Magnus as well.

 

But Alec couldn't give up. He could be fired from the job of being the head of the New York instituition. But he would never give up on Magnus.

 

That day, when they still hadn't been able to find any clues, Alec moved to Magnus loft.

 

His stuff were practically all over there anyways. He was just going to be there now until he found Magnus, or at least a trace of him.

 

Plus Alec needed some time alone. The thought that Magnus might really have gone for good crept into Alec's mind. Alec started to feel more scared and depressed by that thought.

 

Before he knew it, Magnus had already become the highlight of his life. 

 

The way Magnus would loose control at night and show those beautiful eyes to him.

 

The way Magnus would flick his delicate fingers and make everything all right.

 

The way Magnus would look when he'd get mad. He'd manage to look scary as hell but also hella cute with his big cat-puppy like eyes and pursed lips.

 

While Alec was thinking of the hundred reasons of why Magnus was such a blessing to him, he arrived at Magnus' loft. 

 

He had declined Catarina's offer to seal the breach. He hoped the kidnapper would show his face again. 

 

Plus the breach was the biggest clue and reminder to himself that Magnus wasn't safe.

 

Alec made a silent vow to himself that he would allow the breach to be sealed only when Magnus comes back.

 

As sson as Alec arrived in Magnus' loft, he went straight for their bed.

 

The bed was still the way they had left it in the morning. 

 

Magnus usually cleaned up the remnants of their night affairs with Alec. But if Alec was busy, Magnus would simply use magic to tidy things up.

 

But by the looks of it, Magnus hadn't even had time to flick his fingers to tidy the bed before he'd been kidnapped.

 

As Alec thought of today morning, he remembered Magnus' startled face.

 

He had laughed to himself on his way to the institute, thinking of the way Magnus had looked surprised with his widened pupils and slightly opened mouth.

 

He also remembered the way Magnus' eyes had crinkled delicately when he would smile or laugh.

 

With those sad thoughts which had been the happiest memory just some hours ago, Alec lay down on Magnus' side of the bed. 

 

He didn't even bother to change clothes. He just wished his scent wouldn't cover Magnus'. 

 

As Alec lay down, Alec could smell Magnus' pine scent with a bit of vodka and some magical essence.

 

Alec took a deep whiff of the scent and finally laid down to sleep after taking in  Magnus' things that surrounded him, one by one.

 

_'He dreamed of waking up to see Magnus gazing at him lovingly with his golden-green eyes.'_

 

**_'Where are you, Magnus....'_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Alec's part was very sappy, short and seemed insignificantㅠ
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left a kudos and bookmark. And especially thanks to the person who first commented my fanfic♡  
> And I hope you enjoyed my fanfic.;)


	4. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-  
> Magnus has been tortured with a burning metal rod and he knows what Edren has in plan for him. So he desperately tries to escape.  
> Alec has asked every downworlder to find traces of Magnus. But he's fails to find anything. He thinks about the things he loves about Magnus before going to sleep in his and Magnus's bed.  
> -This chapter-  
> Alec has lost his job as a shadowhunter. He has dedicated three whole months to finding Magnus. But he hasn't been able to find anything at all. However...there is a saying that 'Fate helps the desperate.'  
> Magnus has been raped and tortured both pyhsically and mentally by Edren. He doesn't know how much time has passed and he starts to loose hope in himself and....Alec.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a pretty huge time leap because I needed to hurry the story up a bit.  
> I don't like kink much. So I skipped some parts.  
> But there may be some serious rape and self-destruct in this chapter....and I'm really sorry if you think the story's progress is too slow.ㅠYou can comment some constructive ways I can improve my writing skills or you request some stories or parts you would like to read.  
> (These days I have so many ideas for Maelc fanfics! I can't wait to write them all!>♡<)

-Alec-

"Merow, Merow~"

 

"Mmm....hmm....?"

 

As Alec woke up at the noise, he saw a pair of golden-green eyes staring back at him. Alec's eyes widened and he shot up from the bed. Alec's heart leaped for a moment and he called out his lover's name.

 

"Magnus!"

 

"Merrow!!!"

 

But it was only Chairman Meow. Who was now hissing because of Alec's loud response.

 

Alec's face quickly turned into one of deep sorrow. Tiredly, he let out a sad sigh and brushed his hand over his hair. Lying down in the bed agin wuth a plop, Alec reached out and scratched Chairman Meow's ear. The cat soon calmed down and purred.

 

By the time Alec stopped scratching Chaiman Meow's ear, the cat had purred himself into sleep and was cuddled up beside Alec. Alec looked longily at the furry ball beside him. Looking at the cat made Alec's heart throb painfully. As it made memories of Magnus resurface.

 

It had already been nine months since Alec had last seen Magnus. Alec had stayed in Magnus' loft for the last three months.

 

He had also been removed from the job of being head of the New York institute. But it wasn't much of a surprise. Since he had neglected all his shadowhunter duties. He was planning on resigning himself, anyways. And now he was in the danger of being stripped of his runes as well.

 

He had contacted every downworlder and even some shadowhunters for a clue, but the warlocks who had kidnapped Magnus seemed to be quite cunning. 

 

What he had thought would be a short search turned out to be longer and more painful. Alec had already been misled several times and he had some more new scars to prove it. But physical pain didn't amount to the anguish and worry he felt thinking of Magnus.

 

Sometimes he had been desperate enough to actually kinda consider finishing what Valentine had started. Although for an entirely different cause, of course... 

 

Still caught up in his train of thoughts, Alec rised up from the bed again when he heard a friendly voice.

 

"Hey~"

 

It was Catarina. Since Magnus had disappeared, Catarina had taken over as the High warlock of Brooklyn.

 

"Hey Catarina."

 

"Please, Alec. Just call me Cat."

 

Ever since Magnus had disappeared, Catarina had been the one to assist him most. She had helped him contact many downworlders and saved his life a few times as well.

 

"So....Cat....Uh...did you find something?"

 

"Well...."

 

Catarina usually only came when she had some news about Magnus. Alec expected Cat's visit today, to be about Magnus as well. Alec waited for her to say something more, but Cat seemed reluctant.

 

"What is it?" Alec cautiously inquired.

 

Catarina diverted Alec's eyes.

 

"Well..Alec....I don't know how to say this to you...but..."

 

Alec patiently waited for Catarina to finish her sentence.

 

"Maybe...maybe we should stop looking for...him..now..."

 

It took a few minutes for Catarina's words to sink in. When it finally did, Alec just looked down at his bedsheets.

 

Magnus' scent was long gone. All that was left to reminesce was the memory of the times they'd had together.

 

Cat noticed Alec's sorrowful look.

 

"Look, Alec...I know what he...meant to you. And he meant a lot to me...as well..A real lot. But-"

 

Alec cut Cat's word short. "There are no buts. Cat. We are going to find him. And that's that." Alec's voice was firm and sure. But it was the opposite of what Alec believed in now.

 

He knew that Cat's proposal was the rational take. And he also knew that would be the only way for him to get back to his normal life. But he also knew that excepting that propasal, meant giving up on Magnus. It would mean that he also thought Magnus as dead.

 

Cat chimed in on Alec's thoughts. "But Alec. I don't think we can find him. And even if we do...he might already be...."

 

It wasn't like Alec and Cat had never thought of the possibilities of Magnus dying. He _was_ supposed to be immortal. But according to Cat, if a warlock was depleted of his/her magic too much they would change to match their true age.

 

And since Magnus was around the age of 400, his change would turn him into dust. And Alec just couldn't grasp that nor accept it.

 

"Just...just stop, Cat....I won't ask you for help anymore. I understand. I'll keep on looking for Magnus on my own. Y-you have your own life. Take care of the other warlocks."

 

Catarina looked at Alec who was now leaning on the bed with a face filled with fatigue.

 

Sighing, Cat sat on Alec's side of the bed. "Well...Alec...I can't do that."

 

Alec looked around at Catarina with a blank look on his face. She grinned and said.

 

"See~I don't think Magnus will keep me alive if he finds out that I let his favorite boyfriend die. Especially while searching for him."

 

At Cat's words, Alec grinned in response and let out a small laugh. It was like the first time he'd laughed or smiled since Magnus had disappeared.

 

Seeing Alec laugh, Cat had an idea.

 

"Hey Alec. What do you say to going out and getting us some drinks? I think we both deserve it~"

 

"I don't know..."

 

At Alec's reluctance, Cat grinned mischeviously.

 

"Well~it's not just any bar. Every warlock or downworlder with quite a reputation or crime record goes there. And you can hear all kinds of things going on."

 

Alec raised his head from the bed post with a confused look. "Then...why didn't you tell me about it before?"

 

Cat pursed her lips a little. "It's...dangerous...and..."

 

When Catarina looked away, Alec finished her sentence for her. "And~ shadowhunters aren't very welcome there."

 

Cat nodded. "Uh, yeah..."

 

Alec smiled with a slight frown on his face. "This is pretty much the last chance at finding anything about Magnus...right?

 

Cat nodded again. "...Yeah...."

 

Alec smiled sadly and got up from the bed swiftly. "Well, then..what are we waiting for. Let's go."

 

Cat looked up and down at Alec like he was crazy. "Woah, lover boy. We gotta wait until 8. That's when the bar opens."

 

Alec made an 'o' with his mouth and stood awkwardly. "Oh...then..uh..I guess I'll just take a quick shower."

 

"Sure." Cat replied.

 

As Alec stood up and walked to the shower room, he stopped and looked back at Catarina who was getting ready to portal back to her own house for now.

 

"Hey...Cat?" Alec called out.

 

Cat turned around. "Hmmm?"

 

"Thanks."

 

"For what?"

 

"For trusting me." Alec said with a wistful smile.

 

Cat nodded knowingly at Alec and Alec went inside the shower room. When Alec started showering, Catarina muttered under her breath.

 

 " _No....thank you, Alec....For not giving up....For keeping hope..."_

 

Then she portalled out.

 

* * *

 

-Magnus-

 A warlock named Lance opened the doors to the room Magnus was held in. When light seeped through the doors Magnus moved a little at the intrudement. 

 

When the warlock saw Magnus moving, he walked over to Magnus and started kicking him viciously. Magnus let out small yelps of pain through the cloth in his mouth.

 

"Mmph..mph.!"

 

"Wakey, wakey~ little warlock."

 

Magnus' moans only made the warlock more excited. After a few more kickings, another warlock came in and dissuaded his companion.

 

"Okay Lance. Stop it. You know Edren likes his prostitute in a good state."

 

At the other warlock's words, Lance gave one final kick and pulled Magnus up.  Magnus let out a grunt at the effort of standing up...or just by the act of moving.

 

Countless days had passed since Magnus had been kidnapped. In that time Magnus had been tortured and raped repeatedly.

 

Edren healed the torture wounds but he let the remnants of rape heal naturally. So Magnus always had his inner thighs littered with bruises. His anus was ripped severely and had widened as much as Edren's dick. His urethra hole had widened as well due to forced insertion. 

 

His upper body didn't bode better. His nipples wee bloated. And his shoulder, neck and clavicles had several pink swollen hickeys scattered over them. They all showed that Magnus had done sexual things with Edren.

 

Which was why whenever Magnus acknowledged the bruises lining his thighs or the blood that would sometimes trickle out of his hole...he felt ashamed...and _scared_.

 

 _Scared_ that Alec wouldn't love him anymore in the state he was in, now. That is...if he even ever had a chance to see Alec again.

 

Although Magnus couldn't keep track of time, by the temperature of the room he was kept in. He guessed it was already winter.

 

Magnus wondered how much time had passed since he'd been kidnapped, he entered the room he dreaded most.

 

Edren was already in the room. Whenever Edren wanted to rape him, Magnus was called to a certain bedroom.

 

Everything in the room was black. The wood, the tiles, the furniture. Even the walls were black. The bleak background only made the bed stand out more. The bed was the only thing in the room that was a different color.

 

It had white bedsheets and white transparent sheets draped over it. To be honest Magnus had disliked it from the start. Magnus had come to dislike the white even more, when Edren had whispered to him.That he loved the white bedsheet because it made Magnus' blood stand out more, all-the-while fucking him.

 

As he entered the room, Magnus wondered what Edren had in store for him today.

 

When Magnus was practically hauled into the room by Lance, Edren raised his face to greet them.

 

"Ah, thank you Lance. You may go now."

 

When the other warlock left, closing the door behind them, Magnus was left alone to fend for himself. Edren started to walk slowly over to Magnus.

 

"Hello Magnus. I see you are as dashing as ever."

 

Edren's eyes meaningless compliments were easily ignored.

 

Magnus felt much more vulnerable and shaky than he usually did. Edren's rape sessions usually had a three week's term, but this time it had been less than one week.

 

Magnus' thighs and anus had barely healed from the last time. Blood still occasionally came out of Magnus' ass if he moved too much or got a beating in the wrong place.

 

As Edren came closer Magnus shivered in fear, which was more of a reflex now. Finally when Edren reached out to touch Magnus, Magnus' legs gave way under him.

 

When Magnus practically fell to the ground shaking, Edren looked down at Magnus with a wild look in his eyes.

 

"Oh, Magnus."

 

Magnus looked down at the ground in fear. Edren tsked and grabbed Magnus' hair roughly.

 

"Hmph...mmph...!"

 

Ignoring Magnus' whimpers of protest, Edren dragged Magnus onto the bed.

 

As always, Edren handcuffed Magnus' hands to each end of the bed post.

 

Since Magnus was already half-naked with only a tattered white shirt barely covering his chest and stomach, Edren didn't waste any time.

 

Edren spread Magnus' thin legs apart agressively and ingnoring the blood starting to trickle out of Magnus he stuck a vibrator into Magnus' behind.

 

"Mmmph! Mmmhmph!"

 

Magnus struggled to escape the excruciating pain of his anus being reopened again. 

 

Edren increased the vibrator's volume to the maximum. 

 

Magnus thrust his head back at the pain and the pleasure the vibrations both gave. 

 

"Mmmph...mmph..."

 

"So, Magnus. What's it gonna be this time?"

 

In their former sessions, Magnus had been raped in a lot of different positions. Finally when Magnus had experienced possibly all the positions he could experience in a lifetime, Edren had made him choose.

 

Magnus would choose what kind of position he would be raped in. It made him feel shame and resentment at the same time. At first, Magnus had struggled consistently. Shouting curses, that Alec would've definitely disapproved of. 

 

However he realized that his resistance only caused Edren to be more aggressive...and hyped.

 

With tears in his eyes and shame burning into him, Magnus turned, so that his stomach would meet the bedsheets. Edren grabbed Magnus' ass and pulled out the vibrater he had inserted earlier. Magnus gasped out a little and braced himself for the real pain that was about to come.

 

Edren never used lubrication so it was painful for Magnus every time. Luckily this time, Edren seemed to be feeling generous.Rather than sticking his dick right in, Edren put his fingers in first. Edren felt Magnus' body tighten, he slipped his second finger inside Magnus' hole.

 

At the intrusion, Magnus' insides tightened more. Edren started putting his finger in deeper. Then he put his third finger in as well.

 

Magnus had almost fainted when the first anal fingering had happened. But now he had gotten used to it. However it still sent occasional sparks of pain and a chill through his spine.

 

When Edren decided that Magnus was ready, he thrust his hard penis inside Magnus.

 

"Emmmrmpph! Mmph..mmph.."

 

Tears slid out of Magnus' eyes and shrieks of muffled pain came out of Magnus' mouth. As Edren thrust himself inside harder, Magnus arched his back and started to move his hips...Just like he had been learned to do...

 

                        --------------------------

 

A few hours later Magnus was sprawled sideways on the bed, exhausted and drained. The bed sheets were covered with cum and little trickles of blood. Most of them were coming out of Magnus.

 

Edren buttoned up his shirt and walked over to the bed from the other side of the room where he'd been standing. He sat down next to Magnus. Drained and exhasuted, Magnus was saweting and was knocked out cold. Edren moved some locks of hair from Magnus' closed eyes.

 

Sucking at Magnus's neck and making a new hickey, Edren purred softly. "Oh, Magnus. I'll really miss you when you are not around here anymore to please me."

 

Magnus' eyes fluttered open at Edren's words. For a moment Edren just sat there looking back at Magnus. Then he murmered some things Magnus could scarcely hear.

 

 ~~_"If ._ ~~ ~~_._ ~~ ~~_u'd only .een  t....e... .e  l.k. the o.h.._ ~~ ~~_...."_ ~~

 

 

Then Edren looked at Magnus with undistinguishable emotions in his eyes. Magnus couldn't begin to imagine what those emotions were neither did he want to.

 

After a few minutes of that, Edren walked out of the room and Magnus was hauled back to his room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~  
> ☆(Rating has changed)☆  
> (btw. anus=asshole)  
> (And I don't like using the 'f' word, and if some of you are uncomfortable with it as well, then please let me know. And if you are uncomfortable with reading any kind of words such as ass, or such please let me know.)  
> !!!And wow... I messed up in spelling, vocabulary and THE AMOUNT OF THIS CHAPTERㅠ!!!


	5. Once again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-  
> Catarina decided to take Alec to a downworlder's bar which is pretty much the last hope they have of finding a clue.  
> Magnus gets raped and once again tortured by Edren. But Edren acts differently and looks at Magnus with unfathomable emotions in his eyes. And he murmurs something unrecognizable as well.  
> -This chapter-  
> Magnus getd raped.  
> Alec finds out about a certain warlock and comes back to Magnus' loft and gets a shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late~☆  
> I went to Europe for 9days and Japan for 4 days. It was an awesome vacation. Wowzy was it great!>♡<  
> *some really slight changes have been made;)

-Magnus-

 

"Wakey, wakey Magnus."

 

Magnus woke up from his sleep to meet a pair of eyes looking back at him. 

 

It was Edren.

 

Wakened out of his slumber, Magnus tried to scoot back as far as he could with the chains around his ankles.

 

"Aww, Magnus. I didn't know you were so scared of me....actually...I didn't know whether you could be scared by anything..."

 

Unable to understand Edren, Magnus only kept his wary eyes on the crazy warlock. It wasn't the first time Edren had come to the room he was kept in. 

 

But recently, the warlock had come to the room more often than usual. Luckily there hadn't been any more of those rape or torture sessions. But whenever Edren even came near him, Magnus couldn't help but feel fear.

 

Suddenly Magnus felt a bolt of pain course through him as blood trickled out of his hole. Although Magnus tried hard not to make a sound, the pain was too sudden and severe.

 

"Mmhph..."

 

When Magnus moaned, Edren noticed the drops of blood. For a moment he looked dazed, then he went up to Magnus.

 

When Magnus slightly cowered back, Edren simply reached out and pulled off Magnus' gag. For a while, the both of them didn't make a sound and the room was filled with silence.

 

"...So...Magnus. Speak. Come on tell me something." When Edren suddenly said that, Magnus dared to look at Edren like he was crazy.

 

"Aww~come on Magnus. I'm sure you have something to tell me."

 

"....."

 

When Magnus still kept his silence, Edren pulled out a photo from his pocket. When Magnus saw the photo, his eyes widened.

 

"So...Magnus. Now do you have something to say?"

 

The photo was a photo of Alec and him kissing.

 

"H-how...!" Magnus' voice cracked and his dry lips opened uo in surprise.

 

Edren milked in Magnus' shock for a while. "Oh, yes. Well let's just say I have a lot of resources. So~ do you miss him?"

 

Magnus stared at Alec's face on the photograph in a heart-wrenching way. Edren smirked at Magnus who seemed to be bewitched by the photo.

 

Edren snirted and snapped his hands and the photo caught fire and was soon engulfed in the flame.

 

Magnus just hung his head looking into blank space where the photo used to be. Edren flicked his fingers in a petty manner and tutted.

 

"You know~ he's been going around everywhere looking for you. He was a real pest. So I thought of killing him."

 

Magnus who had been hanging his head dumbfoundedly, was now glaring at Edren with a look of disbelief and fury. 

 

Edren smirked again. Then he yanked Magnus' hair back viciously. It had grown in the past months and Edren could get a firm hold on it if he wanted to. Magnus' head was pulled back harshly. Enough to allow Edren to make direct eye contact with Magnus. Magnus gritted his teeth at the harsh movement, but refused to make a sound this time.

 

Edren looked down at Magnus with malice and then smiled. Causing a shiver to run through Magnus.

 

"Bu~t I didn't kill him. I rather thought it would cause him and you more anguish if he saw you in this state."

 

Magnus looked at Edren with pure disgust and fear, which Edren chose to ignore.

 

"So. I'm going to send you to your boyfriend. Soon."

 

Magnus didn't believe Edren. "W-why would you do all this...just to send me back?" Magnus questioned Edren's motives.

 

But Eden ignored Magnus' question and walked over to Magnus. Then he whispered into Magnus' ear.

 

_"Well, Magnus. If you are so reluctant to go. Why don't we have our last session before I send you to your boyfriend."_

 

With that word, Edren started to touch Magnus' calves. It felt like snakes were slithering all over his body. Magnus shuddered and struggled against the chains to get away from Edren's touch. 

 

But he couldn't stop Edren's fingers slipping inside his hole. And he couldn't stop himself from letting out a small cry of pain.

 

As Edren's finger came in deeper inside of him, Magnus could only close his eyes and wish for it to end soon.

 

* * *

 

-Alec-

 

"Hey Cat."

 

It was 8 o'clock and Alec was more than ready to go. 

 

"Oh~Alec."

 

Alec was wearing a black leather pant and jacket with his shadowhunter gear inside. Cat took one look at Alec and then walked over to him. 

 

"Well~Alec. I think we'll need to glamour you up a bit."

 

Alec looked lost for a moment.

 

"B-but I um...this was my best try and..."

 

Cat grinned at Alec's stammers and nervousness.

 

"Okay okay. I understand Alec. And I can also see how nervous you are. But this is a downworlder's lair. You can't go around looking like a real shadowhunter...even if you really are one."

 

"Oh..yeah..sorry...I-I just..."

 

While Alec was stuttering, Cat flicked her hands and glamoured Alec. 

 

But when Alec saw the magic and the way Cat moved her hands and arms, he suddenly pursed his lips and seemed sorrowful. Cat noticed the sudden change of atmosphere and waited for Alec pour his feelings out.

 

"....I-I'm sorry Cat..I just...saw you doing your magic and thought..of...."

 

Cat nodded in a knowing way and ended Alec's sentence for him.

 

"Magnus. You thought of Magnus."

 

Alec knew he didn't have to reply. Instead he let all the emotions he'd felt in the past months just flow out of him.

 

"Yes...and I-I know this is our last chance! And I really want to hurry up and find out anything about Magnus-! But...but at the same time I'm scared th-that...we won't find anything...and I'll have to....I'll have to give up..."

 

When Alec finished his long breathless speech about the worries he had, he looked up to see Cat looking at him. She had an understanding and sad look in her eyes.

 

"Alec...I know how hard it is for you. And it's hard for me too..but don't worry. He'll-he'll somehow find a way back to us."

 

With those words, Cat smiled.

 

                             -------------------

 

"Hey, watch it ya little mutt!"

 

The vampire Alec had collided into, insulted him with a hiss and a bare of fangs. Cat had glamoured him into a black furred werewolf, which Alec wasn't actually pleased with.

 

But according to Cat, it required the least glamour since his hair and clothes were all already black. While Alec prevented himself from punching the vampire who'd just insulted him, Cat came back holding two glasses of cocktails in her hands.

 

After having wet his mouth with the drink, Alec lloked down at the half-empty glass. "So Cat, what do we do now?"

 

Cat just shrugged and dryly said.

 

"We just wait until we find a clue or until the bar closes."

 

Cat suggested they go separate ways for more efficiency. As Alec winded hinself through the crowds of downworlders, he sometimes stopped in places where he thought he'd heard mention of Magnus' name.

 

Finally after three hours had passed, and Alec was a bit dozy after having sipped about 5 glasses of drinks, he settled down beside a polo bar.

 

He was just looking at the small balls moving and rolling...when he heard something interesting.

 

"....know warlock....Brooklyn...Magnus Bane"

 

Alec looked out the corner of his eyes to see the warlock who had caught his ears.  The downworlder was standing a few feet away from him. He had tatoos all over his body and he was talking to another seelie girl who seemed bored out of her mind.

 

Alec crept closer to eavesdrop better. When he got closer, the things he heard made his heart stop for a moment.

 

"That warlock is my friend's prostitute. Heh, he's pretty helpless. You should see his face when he's getting fucked up."

 

Clenching his fists in rage, Alec slyly went up to the warlock and put his arms around the downworlder's shoulder. As he did so he smelled the whiff of alcohol the warlock was enumerating. Alec couldn't even start to imagine how drunk the warlock was.

 

Alec tightened his grip on the drunk warlock's shoulder and casually adressed him like he was an old friend. "Hahaha hey pal~! Long time no see~ We should really get some drinks and talk about the good old days."

 

Alec wasn't the type to be all friendly and outgoing with downworlders who drank until they became drunk. But for his fiance. He could do or say anything.

 

Taking Alec's interruption as a gesture of help, the seelie nodded thankfully at Alec's way and slowly moved away into the crowd.

 

The drunken warlock who was furious by this sudden interruption tried to turn his head to see the shadowhunter. But Alec quickly  whipped out a dagger and pointed it at the warlock's back.

 

Then he whispered into the ears of the warlock who was now frozen with fear.

 

_"Outside. Now."_

 

Alec quickly led the warlock out of the den with the seraph blade still withdrawn under his jacket. Just in case the warlock might have any second thoughts.

 

                             ------------------

 

Outside the den, Alec cornered the warlock to a wall and pointed his seraph blade towards him.

 

"Put your hands behind your back!"

 

When the warlock did as he was told, Alec started to interrogate him.

 

"What do you know about Magnus Bane?"

 

At Alec's unexpected question, the warlock only blinked his eyes with a dozy look. When Alec moved the blade again, this time drawing some blood, the warlock finally caught up on the situation and answered in a hurry. 

 

"W-what do you want to know?!"

 

Alec put on a menacing face and leaned toward the warlock so that their faces were only a  few inches apart from each other. Practically growling, and with a voice filled with fury, Alec questioned the warlock again.

 

"What were you talking about with that seelie?! What did you mean about Magnus Bane being a prostitute?!"

 

With a shaking voice the warlock wailed.

 

"I-it's m-my friend! I never fucked him! M-my friend did! H-he said he took Magnus! I-I don't know!"

 

When the warlock finished speaking, Alec was fuming more than ever and the warlock was sobbing and quaking in fear.

 

After trying to calm down a little...and failing, Alec asked the warlock another question.

 

"Who? What friend."

 

".....Mmhm"

 

This time the warlock seemed reluctant to answer so Alec asked again. But this time he gritted his teeth and stared down the warlock.

 

"WHAT. FRIEND."

 

"Hicc-!"

 

The warlock hiccupped once, clamped his mouth and finally answered.

 

"E-edren."

 

"Who?"

 

Alec had never heard of a warlock named 'Edren'. Which was pretty impossible, because he had practically met, talked to or befriended every warlock, thanks to Magnus. This time out of curiosityas well as anger, Alec inquired again.

 

"Who is that? What part is he from?"

 

"Eh..."

 

But before the warlock could answer any further, a hand suddenly grabbed Alec from behind and threw him back. Taken by surprise, Alec crashed into a wall and lost consciousness.

 

When Alec woke up again and looked at the place he had cornered the warlock, the warlock had already disappeared. Although Alec searched for any traces of the warlock, there was none to be found.

 

Defeated and filled more than ever with questions about his fiance's whereabouts, Alec found Cat in the pub and portalled back to Magnus' lair.

 

At the lair, Alec explained everything he'd learned to Cat and had persuaded her to get some rest. After Cat promised to tell Isabelle, Jace and Clary about the new info, Alec sent the warlock back. And he did the exact opposite of what he had advised Cat to do.

 

He took out all the books about warlocks or downworlders he could find in Magnus's lair and searched fkr the name of 'Edren.'

 

But even when he had leafed through about half of the books in the lair, he still hadn't found anything useful. Alec wrung his head, feeling a strong headache.

 

But his eyes soon snapped back open when he felt someone's prescence behind him. 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it~!♡  
> Was kind of a cliffhanger. But don't worry. It's not horror.( Just don't see it before sleeping lolㅠ)  
> And keep on reading to find out the deal with Edren and Magnus. I have Edren and Magnus' whole backstory planned out.;)  
> Plus this chapter may be boring.  
> but the next chapter will have a lot of lovey dovey between Malec and I'm looking forward to it~  
> and god!!!! I wrote too much! I failed in measuring my longevity.  
> And thank you to everyone who leaves a comment, bookmark or kudos!♡♡♡
> 
> *was having writer's slump and sorry for using the 'f' word.


	6. Shiver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-  
> Magnus: gets raped by Edren for the last time.  
> Alec: goes to the downworlder's club and finds out some information but not enough. Comes back to Magnus' lair and is leafing through some books when he feels someone's prescence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy~! It's been so long!;)

-Magnus-

The last thing I remembered was Edren's leering face then everything went black. When I opened my eyes again, I thought I was in heaven. Because the man that I'd loved and missed was right in front of me. Looking at me with those caring, deep brown eyes.

 

Shaking, I reached out to touch the illusion in front of me. But I didn't really touch it. I was afraid it might disappear into thin air. And I'd be left all alone again. 

 

Edren had never used any magic to mess with my mind. But who knew what that crazy warlock would do next. My hands just hovered inches away from my sweet illusion.

 

However when it pressed my hand to his warm cheeks with his own hand. that was when I realized it was actually real.

 

"A-alec..?!"

 

Magnus' voice cracked at the end, not having been used for a long time except for screaming in agony and pain.

 

"Y-eah, Magnus. It's me...it's me..."

 

Alec leaned in to kiss Magnus. Only to find that Magnus had flinched away. Magnus looked down at the white sheets of Alec's bed. 

 

He didn't know why he had moved away from Alec. It had just somewhat become an instinct because of his stay with Edren. Magnus started to apologize in a shaky voice, all the while not meeting Alec's eyes.

 

"I- I'm so sorry, Alec... I-I don't know why....!"

 

That was when Alec saw the state Magnus was in. And the way Magnus was shaking uncontrollably...

 

Alec gently lifted Magnus' chin up with one hand and covered Magnus' shaking hand with the other. "Hey, Magnus. It's okay. It's okay..."

 

Alec genlty hugged Magnus to reassure him and gradually Magnus stopped shaking. Magnus silently basked in the warmth of Alec's arms. Feeling much more peaceful than he had ever been in the past months.

 

"I-I was so sc-scared....Alec..."

 

As Magnus said those words with a voice that cracked at every syllable, he felt Alec hug him tighter and whisper into his ear.

 

"It's okay Magnus. It's all gonna be...o-okay now.  _I promise."_

 

Alec's words were definitely warm and straightforward,  But Magnus suddenly felt a slight chill behind his back. He just had a bad feeling. But he hoped no harm would come to his lover....at the least.

 

-Alec-

 

 When I turned back to see the intruder, I found myself looking at my lover. Sitting on the bed dumbfounded, looking at me with his yellow-green eyes. 

 

At first I couldn't believe it. I cautiously made my way towards the bed in case this might be a trap. But as I came close enough to see those eyes, I realized it was really _'my Magnus'._

 

As soon as I climbed onto the bed, Magnus reached out his hand to touch me. But when he hesitated I could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Gently, I brought his hand to my cheeks.

 

His eyes flashed in recognition and he softly cried out my name.

 

"Alec!"

 

That's when the tears started to fall. Soon we were embracing each other in an unbreakable lock filled with heart-felt desperation and gratefulness.

 

I was crying and breathless at the miracle right in my arms. Although I was a shadowhunter and didn't believe in god, I swore I would become a nun if this was really god's doing.

 

I leaned in to kiss Magnus, but to my surprise and -seemingly his as well- he pulled back. That was when I finally noticed the scars and bruises all over Magnus.

 

There were bruises and burn marks all over his face, chest, hips, thighs. Kiss marks littered his body and his nipples were swollen and a reddish pink.

 

And he was shivering like crazy. When he started to apologize, I felt like kicking myself in the shin. Magnus had been through who-knows-what and I hadn't even checked what state he was in.

 

I reassured Magnus that this was nothing for  _him_ to be sorry about. I just hugged Magnus more tightly than before and whispered into his ear.

 

"It's okay Magnus. It's all gonna be...o-okay now.  _I promise."_

 

And I meant it. 

 

I would keep Magnus safe with my life. And I would kill the warlock that had done this to Magnus.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been so so very long!!!! I'm so sorry for the delay!ㅠBut I am finally back on track and I'm sorry for this short chaoter and there also a lot of simultaneous scenes in this chapter because this is where they finally meet. And I might have skipped some dialogues or movements in each perspective but hey,;)
> 
> And I might change my writing style in the next chapter cause there would be too many overlaps.  
> And now the whole plot will unravel~hehehheh!!!  
> Please stay with me till the final chapter. And there will be some imploed/referenced tortures throughout so prepare yourselves! And a big thanks to all my readers! Comments and kudos are always welcome.♡
> 
> Enjoy~♡


	7. What hurts the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Previous chapter-
> 
> By some unknown miracle Alec and Magnus reunites.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads my fanfic!  
> *P.S. PLEASE LOOK AT THE NOTES AT THE END AND COMMENT ABOUT IT*  
> (It would really mean a lot to me.XD)

When Alec opened his eyes, he felt his heart flutter. Magnus was in front of him. Firm and beautiful. Resting his chin on his palm, Alec just gazed at Magnus without a word. Gently he reached out to move a lock of hair.

 

Suddenly Magnus' eyes flit open.They were glazed and panicked. Alec was taken aback.

 

He hurriedly reached out to help the warlock. But Magnus instantly shied away and started to tremble. His eyes were on Alec but his mind didn't seem to be.  

 

"No...no-! Please..please no!" Magnus started to tremble and hyperventilate. He was whimpering and crying out words of mercy.

 

So shocked at this sudden outburst, Alec couldn't react until he saw his lover about to fall off the bed.

 

Shadowhunter instincts kicked in and Alec  was soon holding a frantic Magnus in his arms.

 

"No! No-! Please...! Don't-! Don't touch me!" Magnus' voice was cracked and breathless. He practically clawed and wormed his way out of Alec's hold. And wearing nothing but a loose t-shirt, Magnus skidded away to the corner of the living room. He forcefully pressed his back closely to the wall, drew his knees in and hunched over. 

 

With no time to think, Alec stood up and went after Magnus. When he got to the living room he spotted Magnus. Magnus was almost curled into a ball except for his eyes. Magnus' eyes were dead straight trained on him.

 

When Alec met Magnus' gaze, he felt like something had broken inside of him 

 

The once deep beautiful eyes of his lover were now filled with fear, frenzy and uncertainty. And they were directed at him.

 

Although Alec was sure that Magnus wasn't himself right now, he couldn't help but feel hurt and devasted.

 

 _He_  was the one who had caused all this.  _He_ was the one who hadn't been able to protect Magnus and  _he_ was the one who hadn't been able to save Magnus. 

 

Being careful not to scare him again, Alec slowly walked over to Magnus who had his face completely buried inside his arms now.

 

"Magnus?" Alec called out gently. No sign of recognition. 

 

This time Alec tried touching Magnus' arm again and got a response. Just not the kind of response that he'd been excepting. 

 

Magnus had flinched away harder. Pressing himself more to the wall, which had seemed impossible at first. He also started to tremble some more. And now that Alec was close enough, he could hear some incoherent words coming out of Magnus' mouth as well.

 

Alec decide not to interact with Magnus for the time being. He didn't know what kind of response he'd get next. But he wasn't too keen to find out.

 

Leaving Magnus, Alec walked into the kitchen and sent a fire message to Isabelle and Jace. 

 

_"Magnus. Found. Acting strange. Plz come."_

 

After sending the letter, Alec dully stared at the smoke coming from the coffee port which he had heated up. He was going to make camomile tea.

 

                                  ~*~*~*~*~

 

"Alec?" Alec walked up from the couch and opened the door. He now stood face to face with three worried shadwhunters. Jace, Isabelle and Clary.

 

Isabelle was the first to speak up. "God, Alec. You look sick! And where did you say Magnus was ?" 

 

"He's in the living room." 

 

Isabelle made a move towards the living room with the two other shadowhunters behind her. 

 

But they were soon stopped by Alec. Alec warned them in a low voice. " Magnus...is not himself right now. He-he's very fragile...You can't do anything to scare him. And you definitely cannot try to touch him."

 

After that being said, the four quietly made their way towards the living room.

 

When the other shadowhunters saw Magnus curled up in a ball in the corner, they didn't know how to react. 

 

Clary and Jace looked at Alec in surprise while Isabelle only looked deeply worried. 

 

"Magnus, are you okay? Can you hear me?" Isabelled tried to comminicate with Magnus, just like Alec had done previously. But Magnus didn't even budge. 

 

Later the three of them just sat at the kitchen where they had a good view of Magnus. 

 

Alec had explained everything that had happened since yesterday when he had found Magnus.

 

"So...." said Isabelle, breaking the silence. "How do we get him out of his...trance?"

 

Alec could only look down at the cup of camomile tea he had originally brewed for Magnus. 

 

"Cat." Suddenly Clary's voice rang through the air. "What?" asked Alec, a little irritated. Jace chimed in. "Yeah, Clary's right! We should ask Catarina!"

 

Alec looked up from his palm wide-eyed. Then he hurriedly sent a fire message asking for help.

 

In approximately thirty seconds, Catarina had portalled inside Magnus' kitchen. The moment she arrived, she came up to Alec, demanding for an explanation.

 

"How in the world did you find him?! Since when?" Alec knew he would have to explain sooner or later. But frankly he decided later. 

 

"Look, Cat. I know I should have contacted as soon as he was found-"

 

"Wait, what?! Found?!" interacted Cat.

 

"It's a long story! But the important thing is- whether you have any idea on how to get him out of this state."  Alec said all this in one breath and gestured at Magnus after he was finished talking. 

 

 Cat put on a thoughtful face and looked at Magnus. "So...we can't touch him...and..." 

 

After a series of expression changes of thoughtful to extremely worried. When she finally opened her mouth she was hesitant.

 

"There...is...a way...but..."

 

"We can't leave him like this. And I can't bear to touch him." Alec's voice cracked and he shuddered. "I can't bear to traumatize him again...I can't be the one to hurt him again."

 

"Okay, Alec. I understand what you are going through. And I really want to help...and I have a way...but..."

 

Isabelle, who had been trying to calm Alec down, piped up. "If there's anything that we can do to help..."

 

 "Grab him." 

 

"What?!" Alec looked at Cat with dumbfound eyes and a gaping mouth. 

 

"Grab him." Cat didn't bat an eye.

 

Isabelle looked uncertainly at the calm warlock then at her brother who had disbelief written all over his face.

 

"Um....Cat...what do you mean...by _'grab him'_?" inquired Isabelle. 

 

Cat sighed and looked down at her folded arms. "I need to put a sleeping spell on him, if we are going to go through his head. If he is not unconscious while we go through his head, it might effect him somehow."

 

Jace who'd been quiet all along, asked. "Wait, what do you mean-going through his head?" 

 

"It's obvious that he's going through PTSD. We need to know what memories are causing this. And I believe that one tustle with him is worth freeing him from that state."

 

While Cat explained her solution, Alec just looked at Magnus wistfully. 

 

                                  ~*~*~*~*~

 

Cat started to explain her plan. The shadowhunters would wrestle Magnus to the bed. Then she would put a sleeping spell on Magnus. After that she would allow two people's conscience to move into Magnus'. 

 

"Okay. I'm up for it."

 

"Me too."

 

"You can definitely count me in."

 

The shadowhunters all agreed to help bring Magnus to bed. All but one...

 

"..."

 

Isabelle put a hand on her brother's shoulder. "You don't have to do it big brother."

 

Alec looked at Isabelle with gratitude and sorrow in his eyes. 

 

"I know....but I _do_ have to."

 

Then he took a deep breath and looled around at his companions. 

 

"Let's do this."

 

Jace was the first to approach Magnus. They were all cautious as they came closer to Magnus. The atmosphere around Magnus was so tense and strung up that they automatically held their breaths. 

 

"Magnus." Jace called out. 

 

When there was no reaction, Jace reached out and caught Magnus' arm.

 

As soon as that happened, Magnus started to shake uncontrollably and shook his head desperately from left to right. He was desperately avoiding eye contact. The others could see Magnus in tears. He started to claw at Jace's hand which was still holding his arm.

 

"No..! No don't please...! I'm sorry! Please...please...!"

 

Magnus' shrieks of desperation were heart wrenching. Clary was paler than usual and she looked ready to puke.

 

Jace looked pained for doing this to Magnus, but he was a shadowhunter. He had to do this. His hands were now dripping droplets of blood because of the scratches Magnus had made. Still he got a hold of Magnus' other arm. Trying not to look at Magnus' face, he tried to lift the warlock up.

 

Magnus hadn't been properly fed while being captive not that he had even been able to swallow any that was given to him. So when Jace lifted him, he was easily taken up.Even so, Magnus digged his feet into the ground. 

 

The shadowhunters had planned on taking him bridal style. But it proved to be much more difficult than they'd planned. According to the flailing and clawings of pure resistance from the warlock. 

 

Finally when Jace tried to pull Magnus close enough to him to haul him on his arms, Magnus lashed out. Jace lost hold when Magnus's nails made contact with his cheeks. 

 

Magnus would have fell down backwards quite painfully,  had it not been for Alec and his blessed shadowhunter reflexes.

 

Taking Magnus into his arms, Alec doubled him over his shoulders with a determined look on his face.

 

Ignoring the poundings and writhing, Alec finally made it to the bed and laid Magnus down. But as soon as he was laid down Magnus' whole body suddenly stiffened. 

 

Magnus stopped resisting as soon as he was laid down. He just limped and suddenly looked so tired...and defeated. Alec noticed this sudden change in Magnus and couldn't help but look at him which he had tried so hard to not do. Which is why he had doubled him over on his shoulder rather than carrying him bridal style.

 

But Alec instantly regretted his decision when his eyes met Magnus'. 

 

His eyes were wide with pure fear and defeat in them. And the resistance was long gone from him. His desperate pleadings had become quiet whimpers that could barely be heard.

 

But Alec could hear them. Alec could hear those small cries of help that became arrows piercing his heart.

 

He could see Magnus' eyes helpless, dull and brimming with tears.

 

"Alec! Alec!" Somehow he could hear someone calling him. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from Magnus'. 

 

Then a tug on his arm pulled him back to reality. As soon as Alec was pulled out of the picture, Cat got to work.  She hurriedly cast the sleeping spell on Magnus, which turned out to be easier because he was no longer moving. 

 

After checking if the sleeping spell had fully taken effect and Magnus was unconscious, Cat instructed the shadowhunters to hold her hand after she opened Magnus' mind. 

 

Cat would stay behind to maintain the spell and a way out. Isabelle and Alec decided to go inside Magnus. And Jace and Clary would be put in later if the siblings took too long. 

 

"Hold on."

 

Cat cast the spell and opened Magnus' mind. Soon a portal opened and Alec stepped in first. But as soon as Isabelle tried to step in next, there was a flash and a gust of power.

 

Jace was the first to recover from the sudden explosion. Clary and Isabelle had been flown across the room and they lay side by side in the living room.  He saw Cat lying unconscious on the floor as well. But he couldn't find Alec anywhere. 

 

After struggling up on his feet, Jace went around waking the others. When they were all awake and had checked each other out, Isabelle weakly spoke.

 

"Whe-where's Alec?"

 

Cat looked at Isabelle with stern eyes and answered with a sigh.

 

"He seems to have gone into Magnus' mind."

 

It dawned on them that Alec who was currently the most unstable of them all, had just gone into his lover's traumatic memories. Alone. Who knew what he'd encounter there. 

 

"Can't you reopen the portal, Cat?" asked Isabelle. 

 

Cat shook his head and replied. The fact that even _two_ couldn't make it through meant that there was no room in Magnus' mind. The exploding portal was also an inquiry that Magnus was frankly very high strung, tense and unstable.

 

"Plus I have to save my energy for later when I reopen the portal. If I open it now again,  by force, it might never reopen again." 

 

After hearing Cat's explanation everyone in the room had a sinking feeling. 

 

                                    *********

  

 

_Alec landed in a dark cold room. He looked around to take in his surroundings. There was a  hook was fixed to the ground, with a five feet  chain attatched to it._

 

_Alec walked over to the chain and inspected it. There were blood stains on it. Some were fresh and some were new._

 

 _Before Alec could think this through he heard a faint cry from far away._ _He lifted his head and trained his ears towards the sound._

 

_"Aaah!"_

 

_This time he could hear it more clearly. Someone was definitely in a lot of pain right now._

 

 _Alec clamly passed through the door and walked out of the room._ _He followed the faint cries of pain towards a steel door._

 

_As he got closer and the cries could be heard much clearly, Magnus became more and more afraid to find out what was happening._

 

_"Please...stop..."_

 

_He would recognize this voice anywhere._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dragged this chapter too long...I'm so sorry...ㅠ But this chapter is really long...and I am frnakly so drained. I'll try to upload as soon as possible. Since summer vacation is starting too. 
> 
>  
> 
> plus Alec is a conscience so he can pass through solid stuff in Magnus' head.
> 
> This story still has many chapters left...and I'm so sorry for taking so long...I was just so busy with schoolwork and my grades have fallen. But rest assured, I will finish this fic no matter what.;) So stay with me till the end. 
> 
> The story is figuratively the first fanfic I was determined to actually write throughly and fully. But it was actually started on a whim so it has some rough sides. Please comment your opinions:)♡
> 
> *P.S. I AM NOW A DIRECTIONER....  
> AFTER YEARS OF THEIR HIATUS(sobbing)....I have become a true directioner in three weeks. Waiting for their comeback in 2020.  
> So if there are any directioners among my readers, I woild really like to know;)(Although it is way sudden.)


	8. PTSD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previous: Magnus seems to be suffering from PTSD. So Cat helps Alec go inside Magnus' memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ※A lot of torture, sexual mentions and some really bad words(?) in this chapter!!!※
> 
>  
> 
> trying to update fast;) want to start a new fanfic as soon as possible But I'm not really sure whether it will be a Malec fanfic or another fandom fanfic.;)

_After hearing the voice, Alec ran through the steel door. The sight that met his eyes left him speechless._

_Magnus was hanging from a chain attatched to a ceiling. Despite his tall height, he had to stand on tiptoes not to strain his arm._

_He had a blindfold covering half his face. His upper body was fully naked. Bloody and revealing so many scars and bruises. Thankfully his lower half was covered up in long black pants. But Alec could still see Magnus' left leg twisted in a strange angle._

_Three buff men were beating Magnus mercillessly.  And everytime a blow landed on his body, Magnus let out muffled cries and whimpers of pain._

_Alec could see tears flowing down Magnus' face and soaking his blindfold. His fists clenched so tight, it turned white._

_"Aagh! h ah...hah..."_

_Magnus looked to be breathless and strained from pain. His breathing was uneven indicating that his internal organs were probably injured as well._

_Alec could do nothing but grit his teeth and clench and unclench his fists as he felt himself go livid._

_"Crunch!"_

_When one of the man's fists connected with Magnus' ribs, there was a sickening sound of bone breaking._

_Alec felt like his breath had been taken away from him as well._

_He saw Magnus hang his head and crumple down. The chains were now the only things that kept him upright. His breath had become more ragged and uneven then before._

_"Stop."_

_Suddenly a man's voice rang out from behind Alec and the three men stopped beating Magnus. A lec turned around to see who this newcomer was._

_A man in full black with a wide but eery smile, made his way from the corridor._

_When the man finally got here, Alec let out his breath. He hadn't even known that he'd been holding it unconsciously. The man let out a threatening aura._

_One of the men who had been beating Magnus- the one with the dragon tatoo on his right hand- hurriedly pulled out a chair from god knows where._

_The man in black camly sat down on the chair right across Magnus. The man pointed his index finger towards the floor. Accordingly, the chain attatched to Magnus was lowered._

_Alec lifted an eyevrow when he realized that the man was a warlock as well._

_Magnus was now kneeling on his knees. His posture looking more painful than before. Especially because of the twist in Magnus' left leg._

_The man reached out his hand and untied the blindfold around Magnus' eyes. They were puffy and swollen because of the crying and beatings. And they were closed._

_Gripping Magnus' chin harshly, the man forced Magnus to open his eyes._

_Magnus squinted at the sudden light that pierced his eyes and his hazed eyes came into focus. As soon as he saw the person who had woke him, he went completely haywire._

_The ominous sound of chains rattling rang through the cold room as Magnus tried to move away from the man. But he immediately  stopped moving when the man gripped his chin harder._

_Alec resisted the urge to fist that man right in the face. He knew he couldn't hit him anyways._

_Forced to make eye contact with the man, Magnus started to quaver and let out a soft whimper._

_"Oh, Magnus. Darling. Don't tell me you're  scared of me."_

_Magnus let out a soft whisper._

_"I-I'm s-sorry..."_

_As the man leaned down to whisper something into Magnus' ears, Magnus closed his eyes shut._

_Unfortunately, Alec couldn't hear what the man had whispered but he detected the flick of panic flit across Magnus' face._

_Seeing that, Alec stepped forward to walk over to Magnus. He knew that Magnus couldn't see or feel him. But at least he could inspect Magnus and catch what the  man in black was talking about._

_However as he came closer he felt a sudden shiver run through him. When he looked up he  locked eyes with the man in black._

_Although Alec knew that it was impossible that the scary warlock could be looking at him, he couldn't help but feel intimidated._

_And suddenly the space around him started to whirl and blur. For a second Alec felt like he was hanging in midair. Before the world started to spiral out of control, he thought he caught a glimpse of the man in black, snap his fingers while looking right at him._

_~*~*~*~*~*~_

_This time Alec was standing in a room where everything was black. There was a king sized bed in the middle of the room with curtains draped over it. The only other furniture except for the bed was another big drawer which was also black._

_As Alec looked around the room he heard a door being opened behind him. He turned around to spot the man in black walking into the room._

_Instinctively, he tensed up before realizing that he couldn't be seen. He saw the man open the drawer and pull something out._

_He wasn't really interested in what it was. He as only desperate to find where Magnus was.  However while he was looking around bluntly for Magnus, he heard a voice behind him._

_"So. You're Alec?"_

_Shocked, Alec whipped around to see the man calmly sitting on the bed and looking right at him._

_Even though Alec knew the man was talking to him, he looked around just in case._

_"You! I'm talking to you."_

_The man shouted out and caught Alec's attention._

_Alec just looked at the man in shock. He was only supposed to be a spirit in Magnus' unconsciousness._

_"Hahahah."_

_The man chuckled at Alec's befuddled reaction in an irish way. In Alec's opinion, the man's chuckle was a little off as well._

_As it soon dawned on him that the man could really see him, Alec responded to the man._

_"How- how can you see me?"_

_The man fiddled with the device that he had supposedly took from the drawer._

_"I can't."_

_Alec snorted at the man's answer._

_"Well, you obviously can. Since-"_

_"Ah, yes. The only reason I can look right at you and can talk to you is because I have a supernatural sense. Let's say...a sixth sense maybe? So~ to be precise I'm not looking at you. But I'm actually sensing you."_

_With that being said, the man put down the device on the bed and walked over to where Alec was standing._

_For a minute, Alec contemplated over stepping back a little or tackling the man. But he just stood his ground as the man came closer. Even if he did tackle the man he would mostly just pass through the man._

_When the man was close enough to Alec that he could probably sense Alec's breath as well, he talked again._

_"By the way, my name is Edren."_

_After that, he smiled._

_Alec seriously wanted to smack that smile off of this man- or rather Edren- and just find Magnus and take him out of this horrible place._

_"Ah, are you looking for your precious lover?"_

_Alec was astounded when Edren practically read his mind. But he refusrd to show his asnotishment. And instead he shot the man a deathly glare._

_But the man only chuckled again, a bit more softly.  And like that Edren and Alec stood face to face, Alec still shotting daggers with his eyes and Edren with a psycopathic grin on his face._

_The room was filled with eery silence and tension for a few minutes until Edren opened up first._

_"Don't worry. He'll be here shortly."_

_Alec made a move to step away from the warlock. But he suddenly felt an unknown pressure and found that he couldn't move._

_" What the-!"_

_Alec shouted out, confused and frustrated. He should have known that the warlock would pull something like this. He just hadn't known that this was possible._

_"Shh. Even though nobody else can hear you, I can. And your voice will be a distraction in my session."_

_Alec looked up to ask what Edren meant by 'session'. As if on que, the door banged ooen and a few raggedy looking downworlders barged in._

_Alec's eyes widened when he saw his lover being dragged behind them, gagged, binded, bloody and sickly looking._

_He struggled again more desperately to move his feet from the floor he was attached to, but his feet didn't even budge an inch._

_Alec looked on in pain and worry as he saw his beat lover being handled harshly._

_Magnus looked so worn down and fragile. He looked like he would break if someone just touched him. Alec wanted to wrap his arms around him this instant. He wanted to stop anything from hurting Magnus anymore._

_He couldn't bear it...._

_"Magnus.." Alec whispered hoarsely._

_But of course the warlock couldn't hear him._

_~*~*~*~*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter....it contains a lot of....contents that explains the rating of this fanfic....hahahah(nervous laughter)
> 
> And I'm sorry it's so short this time.ㅠ  
> This chapter was supposed to be way way way longer. Like 3~5times longer  
>  But it was so long that it was even tiring for me to read. so I just decided to break it down. So the next chapter might come up sooner or later ;)  
>  
> 
> I tried....ㅠ (I have poor writing skills ㅠ)  
> And uh...Edren is tall....as tall as Alec, but not taller! Maybe a few inches shorter than Alec.
> 
> This chapter has some references to chap 4 and 7. Just wanted to let you guys know. 
> 
>  Oh my gawd....I tried not to use bad words but I just couldn't help it...there was no other way to express some certain things...
> 
> BTW. thank you to everyone who left a kudosXD Never thought I'd even reach 50!😂😍☺
> 
> I promise to finish this fanfic no matter how long it takes! So stay with me till the end y'all♡


	9. PTSD (Pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part2 of Magnus' trauma with Edren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ※This chapter contains a lot of cussing, sexual and unappropriate contents for people who aren't above 19※

_When the other warlocks left him,  Magnus was left alone to fend for himself from Edren._ _After the amount of torture and mental break downs he had gone through with Edren, Magnus had gained a certain reflex of feeling pure terror whenever Edren came near him._

_When Edren came over to him, Magnus shuddered and tried to push himself farther against the door._ _But it was no use. Edren walked over, stooped down and gripped Magnus' chin, forcing the terrfied warlock to lock eyes with him. The wave of terror forced Magnus to submit without a struggle._

 

 _Even when Edren lifted Magnus bridal style, Magnus was quiet and stayed still. Malnutritioned and curled up, Magnus seemed so fragile and small in Edren's arms._ _In that way, Magnus was carried all the way to the bed and was laid down with Edren above him._

_Magnus' face was blank and hollow and his arms and legs were folded upwards as if he were trying to wrap himself up but didn't know how._

_Satisfied by Magnus' obedience and lack of struggle, Edren leaned down and slightly nibbled Magnus' left ear and whispered._

_"We won't be needing those handcuffs anymore now. Right, Magnus?"_

_Magnus averted Edren's eyes as if in  defeat. Edren giggled in a creep_ y _way and started to caress Magnus' abdomen teasingly._ _Whenever Edren's hands passed over his stomach, Magnus let out a slight shudder which only seemed to make Edren more giddy._

 

 _Magnus tried to resist when Edren started to pry open his legs. But he was too weak and beaten down to actually try a real struggle._   _Those flimsy attempts of protection were ignored as Edren agressively pried Magnus' legs open._

_It revealed bruised thighs from past struggles, a shredded and bloody anal from too much forced thrusting and a swollen and sore looking penis from being cock blocked for several hours during Edren's sessions._

 

_“Mmphh...”_

 

_Magnus let out a silent whimper when he saw Edren holding a vibrator but he soon quieted down when Edren slapped him across the  cheek. Paying no heed to Magnus' pain, Edren slipped the vibrator right into Magnus' worn anal._

_As Edren increased the vibration, drops of blood started to trickle out and soak the snow white sheets underneath, turning it crimson. Along with it Magnus started to let out small cries of pain._

_Alec who had been looking on at this whole procedure, now had pure terror all over his face._ _His eyes had turned as big as saucers and his mouth was aghast and shocked._ _He couldn't believe what was unfolding in front of his eyes. He couldn't believe that Magnus had been forced to undergo all this._

_He now realized why Magnus had flinched away or submitted quietly when he had forcefully laid him on the bed._

_It had brought back memories._

_**These kind of memories...** _

_Traumatizing memories that Magnus or anyone would ever want to relive or feel again. But **he** had forced Magnus to relive it again. _

 

_He felt so angry and frustrated at himself and he felt something break inside of him._

_Magnus' cries felt like arrows piercing Alec's heart and toring it to shreds. Everytime a new moan reached Alec, it sounded like a desperate cry for help or an reproachful blow directed towards him._

_~*~*~*~*_

_Finally when Edren took out the vibrator, Magnus was paler than before. It seemed like he had sucked up all the white from the sheets below and the sheets had soaked up all of his blood in exchange._

_Sweating and trembling, Magnus seemed to slurr over the bed. Edren who had been pinning Magnus down, didn't  give Magnus any time to recover. He grabbed Magnus' gag off and aggressively pressed his mouth against Magnus' dry lips._

_As Edren's lips smashed against his, Magnus let a tear fall. Whether from pain or shame, Magnus himself didn't know._

_He had stopped thinking after a while. He knew he would never be able to escape. He would never be able to feel Alec's loving touch or the cute pecks that would occasionally be given to him on mornings. Nor the fuzzy tingling he felt inside when he felt the shadowhunter next to him._

_"Oh, Magnus."_

 

_Magnus clammed his eyes shut at Edren's purrs. Even though he had to be the disgusting man's prostitute, he didn't have to pretend he liked it._

_"So what's it gonna be this time, Magnus?"_

_The repatory was always the same. Sure there were sometimes a few more kinks and devices involved. But it always started with the vibrator. Magnus didn't know what Edren's deal was with that device, but it sure made him feel more filthy._

_Then Edren would caress him and smother him with touches and kisses which made his skin crawl._

_Finally, he would be forced to make any posture which didn't really matter. Because in the end Edren would always find a way to make him bleed, hurt and feel hollow inside._

_Magnus started to turn so his stomach would meet the bedsheets. This posture was the most speedy one to finish this whole affair. Plus he didn't have to see Edren's face while he was fucked._

 

 _Meaning he mostly made this posture only. The downfall of it was that it would hurt his back way more than the other postures._ _So whenever he'd had one of his sessions with Edren, he could barely move because of the excruciating pain in his back._

 

 

 _Edren had never confronted Magnus for striking the same posture often._ _However this time he did._

_Edren stopped Magnus from turning and made Magnus sit up while facing him._

_Surprised by this sudden gesture, Magnus reluctantly followed Edren's movements. Edren made Magnus wrap his arms around his neck._

_Now they sat on the bed facing each other. Edren took something out from his backpocket. Magnus noticed that it was a white pill._

_He had never seen something like it. Then again, he was a warlock, he didn't use mundane meds anyways._

_Edren put the pill inside his mouth and then french kissed Magnus. Edren's tongue pushed the pill inside Magnus' mouth and it soon melted away._

_A few seconds after he had taken the pill, Magnus felt his face flush and he felt hot all over._

_Edren touched him again. And this time Magnus felt his skin tingle. But not in a bad way. Rather...he actually craved for Edren to touch him some more._

_His mind felt fuzzy and all he could think about was for someone to please touch him._

_Looking satisfied, Edren pushed Magnus back on the sheets. Then he unlocked his buckle and wrapped Magnus' legs around his waist._

_Finally he thrusted inside the flushed warlock. Unlike the former sessions, Magnus actually let out a high pitched cry filled with lust and pleasure this time._

_Eden started to thrust in and out harder as he heard Magnus'cries of pleasure._

_"Aaahh! Nuahhh!"_

_As Edren thrusted in harder, Magnus' dick stsrted to bulge as cum started to form. However Edren would never let Magnus go. Especially not before him._

_Pausing from thrusting in and out, Edren gently put a penis ring on Magnus' penis. As the cold metal touched Magnus' sensitive place, Magnus let out a small shudder._

_After checking he had firmly cockblocked Magnus, Edren kept on thrusting in and out. Although Magnus' anus had ripped like before and blood was trickling out again, the drug prevented Magnus from feeling the pain this time. Magnus' only pain was the irresistible need to cum._

_When Edren had gone three times inside Magnus. Blood and cum were steadily coming out of Magnus' behind. Magnus' swollen penis seemed ready to burst and was trickling splurts of cum. Magnus was shivering and his head was lolling over._

_However Edren only enjoyed Magnus' misery. He wanted Magnus-the high warlock of Brooklyn- to beg at him for mercy. He wanted Magnus to suffer like he himself had._

 

_Magnus started gritting his teeth and clenched his arm harder around Edren's neck because of the need to cum. Edren drew back a little and talked to Magnus in fake sympathy._

 

_"Does the witty little warlock want his ring off?"_

 

_While making fun of Magnus, Edren flicked the tip of Magnus' penis. Magnus threw back his head and shuddered at the movement. Edren repeated the same question several times more while flicking Magnus' penis everytime. Which made it impossible for Magnus to actually answer Edren's question._

 

_Finally Edren asked the question again without flicking Magnus' sensitive place. Magnus' eyes were about to roll over and he was shuddering from the effort of suppressing the longing in his dick._

  

_Unable to talk, Magnus weakly nodde_ _d his head in a pleading way. But Edren just ignored that gesture and haughtily asked again._

 

_"Do you want the ring off or not Magnus?"_

 

_Desperate, almost crying, and exhausted from the effort of suppressing his lust, Magnus cried out._

 

_"Y-yes..p-aaugh! p-please... nhh aghhh" Magnus was too high to even form an actual sentence._

 

_But despite Magnus' desperate beggings, Edren teased Magnus a bit more with the nipples, eliciting a few more moans and whines. Finally when he took off the ring, huge amounts of the white substance came spilling out of Magnus._

_Finally when Magnus had almost spilled all his load out, he seemed drained. With the drug effect wearing off he felt so hazy and tired. Without knowing it, he gently slumped against Edren's shoulders._

_Edren looked surprised for a moment before he loooed like he would stroke the warlock's back softly. But in a flash the warlock's face changed and he yanked Magnus' hair back viciously._

 

_Taken by surprise, Magnus yelped out. When Magnus momentarily came back from his haziness because of the sudden pain, he thought he saw tears glistening in Edren's eyes._

 

_However it was only for a second before his mind went foggy again and all he could detect was the sudden change in Edren's mood. Which was pure anger and fury._

 

_"Don't you dare think you can lean on me like that again, you disgusting, filthy warlock! You don't dserve any kind of passion! You-you!"_

 

_Magnus didn't understand at all what the crazy warlock was babbling on about now. He had no memory of encountering Edren before. So why was the psycho warlock talking like they had met before?_

 

_Edren didn't give any time for Magnus to contemplate what he had just heard before he grabbed Magnus by the hair and dragged him to the door._

 

_Magnus whimpered out in pain as the effects of the drug mostly wore off and he was now met with the full aftermath._

  

_~*~*~*~*_

 

_Alec was still standing at the spot where Edren had left him. He was stone still and his face displayed true shock._

 

_He didn't know how to react to all the things that had just unraveled before him. His face had changed from time to time. Sometimes showing shock, sometimes horror. But of all the expressions he had made, they all had one thing in common._

 

_**They all made A** **lec break down inside.**_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it...phew...it was extremely hard to write this chapter. Imagine this whole thing being attatched to the former chapter lol😂
> 
> I waited a few days before posting this, so that I've already started on the next chapter. The 10th chapter will be the end of Magnus' horrible memories.ㅠ  
> And after that from the 11th or 12th chapter, fluff and heart break will happenㅠ And I've got Edren's whole backstory figured out so y'all don't need to worry about that XP:)


	10. PTSD (pt.3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Magnus' horrible memories☺(finally)😢

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Alec saw all of the things that Magnus had to go through with Edren. The chapters are only parts of it. The memories just flash by really quick like a film. But it just seems slow for Alec. Plus, this is the reason why only a small time passes when he goes into Magnus’ unconsciousness. 
> 
> I admit..this chapter is a bit...cringey and ended a bit unexpectedly I guess...But...I tried my best...ㅠ  
> and I'm sorry for using the same expressions again and again or repeating the same verses....I'm just not that easy with words yet.ㅠ  
> Now that it's summer vacation, i'm updating regularly:)  
> And it's already my 10th chapter!!! OMGOMG!!!😆 I can't believe I made it this far! Thank you to everyone whi read sthis fanfic!♡♡♡

Once _again, the world around Alec shifted as Magnus' memory changed. This time Alec was in the same place where he'd been the first time. Except this time, Magnus was here as well._

 

_Magnus was laid out on the cold, hard floor. He looked much more gaunt and broken then the previous memory. His cheeks were sunken from lack of food and his ribcages were sticking out. The metal cuffs around his ankles that had seemed small, were now loose around Magnus' thin ankle. Looking at Magnus' broken state made Alec feel sick._

 

_He had seen and experienced much more bloody and cruel happenings as his life as a shadowhunter. But this hadn't been done by a demon. It had been done by another downworlder._

  

_And **this** was personal. The victim had been his lover. His strong and comforting other-half.  **His Magnus.**_

 

 _Alec walked up in front of Magnu_ _s and lowered his knees so that he'd only be inches away from Magnus. Maybe Magnus could see him like Edren could. But it was false hope._

_Despite Magnus' ignorance of his prescence, Alec reached out to touch Magnus' gaunt cheek. But to Alec's dismay, his hands passed through Magnus like a hologram._

 

_Just then, a tear fell from Magnus' eyes. Shocked, Alec wondered if Magnus had really felt him and could actually see him. Alec waited with fleeting hope that Magnus' eues would flutter open and this would actally all be just a horrible horrible nightmare-literally._

 

_However no such miracle happened and the broken warlock didn't open his eyes. He only kept on crying silently but constantly. Feeling his eyes tears up as well, Alec came to realize that Magnus was constantly mumbling something incoherent._

 

_When Alec leaned down to listen to Magnus' mumbles, his eyes widened._

 

_"Alec....Alec..."_

 

_Magnus had been repeatedly calling out Alec's name in his unconsciousness. Alec started to shake from the sadness coursing through him._

 

_Once again, Alec felt furious at himself for not being able to protect Magnus from any of this. Alec clamped his mouth and gritted his teeth to prevent himself from sobbing loudly. He didn't feel like he even had the right to cry like this in front of his tortured lover._

 

 _"Magnus...I-I'm so sorry..."_  

 

_Alec kept on aplogizing to Magnus through deep sobs. But of course Magnus couldn't hear him._

 

_Just then, the metal door to the room clanged open and two gruff looking warlocks came in. The last person to stride in was Edren. At the sight of the psychotic warlock, Alec curled his hand so hard that his nails digged into his palms._

 

_Knowing that Edren could see and hear him, Alec stood up in front of Magnus protectively. His eyes were bloodshot and wild as he glared at Edren._

 

_However Edren acted like he didn't see a thing. However Edren didn't pass through Alec nor come close to Magnus. Rather, he motioned for the two other warlocks to do the dirty work for him._

 

_One of the two warlocks passed through Alec with no indifference and kicked Magnus viciously in the guts. Alec's eyes glinted and he swioed his fist out. However it only swiped thin air as he powerlessly saw Magnus get beaten awake._

 

_Meanwhile, Edren had snapped his fingers and made a chair appear for himself._

 

“Augh.. _huh...huh....!"_

 

_Magnus slowly woke up with hoarse coughs racking his body. The two warlocks kicked Magnus a few times more even when Magnus had fully woken up._

 

_Then they grabbed the chain connected to Magnus' collar and pulled it. The collar caught on Magnus' throat and made Magnus fight for air as he was dragged across the cold gravel floor._

 

_Alec only watched helplessly. Shuddering and defeated. He felt like this was becoming **his** nightmare as well..._

 

 _Magnus was coughing weakly and shaking all over when he was finally dragged all the way up to Edren._ _The two warlocks then went out with grunt looks on their faces as if this were protocol._ _When the two warlocks went out, closing the door behind them, Edren slightly looked up to meet Alec's eyes from afar._

 

_Alec stonily glared back at Edren. His eyes still had a burning fire inside it. But it looked more defeated and somewhat tired now._

 

_Eden smirked at the change in Alec's eyes. He was pleased at the deflation of that former fire that had been inside Alec. But he was going to make this memory **the finale.**  _

 

_Edren flicked his eyes back to the shuddering warlock in front of him. Using the tip of his shoe, he lifted Magnus' face up to look at him._

 

_His cheekbones were deeply sunken, he had huge bags under his eyes. His lips were dehydrated, but bloody and swollen. The ribcages and legs that could be seen from under the tatter of clothing was bloody and bruised. There wasn't a single place where Magnus seemed okay. Especially the eyes. The eyes looked like a dead man's. Lifeless and hollow._

 

_Edren was pleased with his work. Now he had proved to himself that Magnus could feel the same pain as him._

 

_Now, all he needed to do was make magnus feel the same loss as him. And make it permanent._

_"Magnus." Edren called out in a low voice._

 

_Magnus looked up with a tired look._

 

 _And in that moment Edren's eyes flashed in gold and Magnus’ cat pupils shrinked tremendously._ _Alec instinctively held his arm up as he felt a gust of magic course through the room. The gust was gone as fast as it had come._ _When Edren's eyes came back to normal, Alec scoured Magnus for any sign of a new bruise, scar or any change of the sort. But nothing had changed._  

 

_Magnus was still lifeless and beaten up as before. Alec wondered if he had just imagined the whole thing._

 

_However Edren had a pleased grin on his face and this made Alec uneasy._

 

 _“What did you do?” shouted Alec at the evil warlock. However Edren silently put one finger up to his mouth and Alec was unable to speak anymore. Edren slowly mouthed the words, “ ~~I don't think you belong here anymore.”~~_  

 

  _Just_ _like_ _that. The whole world around Alec shifted agin._

 

_The last thing Alec saw was Edren getting up from his chair and whispering something to Magnus._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Alec!”

 

Dazed and feeling slurry, Alec slowly woke up with the sound of someone frantically calling his name.

 

“Aghhh....” Alec groaned loudly and put a hand on his forehead as he felt a massive headache.  

 

“Alec?! Are you okay?” A voice called out again.

 

Alec’s eyes slowly came into focus and he noticed Isabelle and Jace both sitting around him with worried looks on their faces. 

 

Alec groaned. “Aughh..w-what happened?”

 

”You were rejected out off Malec’s memory.” Jace replied.

 

Hearing that, everything came back to Alec. Alec remembered all the horrible things he had seen Magnus go through. Getting up abruptly and getting a massive headache again, Alec gripped his forehead and looked about wildly. “Where’s Magnus?” Isabelle softly answered while quickly lowering her brother back onto the sofa. “He’s fine. He’s in the bedroom. You have nothing to worry about because he is with Cat.”

 

However hearing that only made Alec more agitated to see Magnus. But when he tried to rise up again, he was countered by Isabelle. Isabelle gave her brother a stern look saying “Don’t even think about it.”

 

Alec had no choice but to remain lying in his bed until Cat could assure Isabelle that he was okay to start moving around. 

 

However when Cat did come back, Alec didn't feel relived in the slightest. When he asked about Magnus' state, Cat shook her head sadly, meaning that he hadn't gotten any better. "He's still in the bed where you laid him down.... he had a couple of seizures while you were knocked out cold." Wide eyed with worry, Alec's head snapped up at that. Fumbling to get to Magnus in a hurry, Alec stumbled and almost tripped on his blanket. 

 

Cat quickly followed behind Alec. "It's okay Alec! I quickly calmed him down with some spells." 

 

Although Alec heard what Cat said, he only stopped when he saw Magnus sleeping lightly on the bed. Tucked snugly in the crisp white sheets. Alec thought of asking Cat to change the colors of the sheets. After all....he kinda suspected the reason Magnus was having seizures might be because of those sheets.

 

However as Alec hesitantly turned towards Cat, he heard the someone knocking. Looking tired all of a sudden, Alec brushed his hair and then strided to the door.

 

"Hi." Clary said meekly in front of the door. "My chores for today are finished...so..." Alec opened the door wide and gestured for the hesitant shadowhunter to come inside. He knew that he would have to tell everyone about Magnus' memories now.

 

* * *

 

 A few minutes later, everyone was gathered around the sofa where Alec was seated. They all had grave faces.

 

Alec was the one looked most fatigued but was the one to first break the silence. He took a deep breath and told the four around him about what Amgnus had gone through with Edren.

 

In between Alec’s words, Isabelle and Clary would let out gasps of disbelief or sadness while Jace and Cat just listened quietly with grave faces. Finally when Alec was almost at the end of his story, a loud commotion was suddenly heard.

 

Realizing where the noise had come from, Alec was the first to shoot out from the sofa and run towards the bedroom.

 

When Alec got to the bedroom, his eyes widened when he saw Magnus writhing on the bed. Hurriedly he ran up to Magnus and tried to stop Magnus from hurting himself. 

 

But as soon as Alec grasped Magnus' wrists and pinned him on the bed, Magnus cried out.

 

" _Let me go! Let me go! Please...I-I'm sorry!"_

 

Magnus' eyes were glazed and out of focus. He was hyperventilating and writhing at the same time. Alec knew that Magnus wasn't himself right now. But it had pained his heart to see Magnus shout those things at him.

 

Shocked, Alec abruptly let go of Magnus and stood on the far side of the room, still as stone. 

 

Only a few seconds passed when Cat came running into the room with Isabelle, Jace and Clary right behind her. Cat immediately ran up to Magnus and tried to charm him back to sleep. However Magnus didn't stop thrashing around which made it hard for Cat to cast the spell. 

 

Alec just stood stone still next to the bed. Still in shock from what Magnus had said. His eyes lingered on Magnus only. When Jace came into the picture and pinned Magnus down, Alec let out a shuddering breath and he felt his eyes brim up. 

 

As he saw Magnus being pinned down painfully, crying and helpless, he felt anger climb its way up. He clenched his fists to contain the anger but when Magnus' plea reached his ears once more, he saw red. 

 

Without knowing what he was doing, Alec swinged his fist out in full fury and it connected with Jace's face. Taken by surprise, Jace stumbled to the floor. Meanwhile Cat had succeeded in sending the distressed warlock back to sleep.

 

Jace was sprawled on the floor, stunned at what his parabtai had just done. Alec towered over Jace with his fists still clenched. He was angry and he needed to let off steam. He felt a stong need to punch something. However Alec's rampade was cut short when Isabelle came in between him and Jace. 

 

Alec stood still and looked down at Isabelle with enraged eyes. Meanwhile Isabelle understood Alec's helplessness and tried pleading some sense into him. 

 

"Snap out of it, big brother! This isn't you!"

 

Alec didn't respond at all and just stood his ground repeatedly diverting his eyes at Jace and then back at Isabelle. 

 

Finally when Alec turned his head to look at Magnus, he felt all the anger and frustration insde him go out. It was like someone had pushed a switch inside him and then suddenly turned it off.

 

Alec just stood with a lost look on his face, looking as fragile as hanging leaf in winter. His heart ached so much it felt like he would just collapse right then and there. Something caught in his throat and Alec had to open his mouth to breath. 

 

Magnus looked so peaceful in the white sheets. But then Alec saw all the burn marks, the scars, the traces of kiss marks all over Magnus.

 

_That's when he broke._

 

Alec's crumpled onto the ground. He clutched his hand to his chest like he could stop his heart from feeling like it was being shredded into a million pieces. Alec's mouth was open wide but no sound came out. His eyes were streaming with tears and he just stared at Magnus with glassy eyes. 

 

Everyone in the room saw Alec's pain and helpessness. They all knew that Alec was breaking down inside because he blamed himself for not being able to protect Magnus. 

 

The others stayed quiet in the room while Alec poured all his grief out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also reposted the chpters 1-6 after amending them a bit. I felt like those chapters were a lot cringey and unnatural because I wasn't that experienced at writing. But now think I'm a bit better now...so....:)
> 
> And is it just me, or does the chapter seem longer than usual?😅

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading~


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